Iconoclast’s douchebag of the month is a tie between a pair of equally-deserving undercover pigs - codenamed Khalid Mohammed and Brenda Doughtry.

“Khalid” and “Brenda” spent the past two years at the center of a joint intelligence operation aimed at infiltrating activists groups in Southwestern Ontario during the lead up to the Vancouver Olympics and the G8/G20 in Huntsville/Toronto. Quiet and seemingly friendly, these two weasels were always happy to offer rides to and from actions and events - in vehicles that the passengers would later discover had been bugged.

“Khalid” spent the majority of his time in Kitchener/Waterloo, where he successfully infiltrated AW@L - the beating heart of the region’s renowned activist community. Using connections he gleaned from KW, he was able to snake his way into the organizational circles of the TCMN and the SOAR. His betrayal led directly to the mass arrests of alleged SOAR members and other key TCMN organizers early on the morning of July 26th – in which many amazing individuals who had trusted him were rounded up and thrown in jail on trumped up conspiracy charges.

“Brenda” was based out of Guelph, although she made regular appearances at film screenings and other events in London. She claimed to have recently escaped an abusive relationship – a shameless ploy to garner the sympathies of a group of compassionate people so that she could turn and stab them in the back. At the time of the G20 she was sharing an apartment with one of the so-called “ringleaders” of the SOAR.

For cynically manipulating our faith in human decency, and for throwing seventeen of your supposed “friends” under the proverbial bus, congratulations you two – YOU ARE THE DOUCHEBAGS OF THE MONTH!!!

Here’s wishing you a long and painful bout with the terminal disease of your choice. You’ve certainly earned it, you walking bags of taint.

Iconoclast’s Douchebag of the Month is the notorious “master of mayhem” and ringleader of the G20 violence – Toronto Police Chief Bill Blair.

Yeah, yeah, we know. He had Julian Fantino’s hand up his ass the whole time, and the whole piggish jamboree was run out of an evil fortress command post up in Barrie – on orders barked from the ghoulish, sneering mouth of arch-douche Stephen Harper. We know. But seeing as this swaggering swine seems to have been cast to play the public role – and since his badge is so damn shiny – he’ll do.

That whole weekend, every single thing that came out of Blair’s doughnut hole was a lie; from the superpowers supposedly granted (but not really) to his pig minions through the psyche-out application of the ultra-totalitarian Public Safety Works Act, to the lies about his troops not using “less-lethal” munitions on innocent protesters (when they clearly did) to his epically-fake “anarchist weapons display” that turned out to be props for some LARPer - seriously folks… this sheep-fucking pig actually suggested with a straight face that anarchists wearing chain mail armor were planning on shooting flaming arrows at the G20 leadership summit. What century are we in?

For the pain and suffering you caused to over a thousand of our fellow human beings, and, quite frankly, for being the Toronto Chief of Police during the G20, congratulations Bill Blair – YOU ARE THE DOUCHEBAG OF THE MONTH!!

Here’s hoping you and Fantino kill each other in a knife-fight.

Iconoclast’s Douchebag of the Month is head honcho of the pariah Israeli state and fugitive pirate war criminal, Benjamin “Bibi” Netanyahu.

Bibi was standing cheek by jowl with his good buddy, arch-douche Stephen Harper, when news broke last month of Israel’s utterly contemptible massacre of nine Gaza solidarity activists in international waters. In a trademark display of hutzpah, Netanyahu defiantly stated his full support for the operation, then promptly cancelled a planned trip to visit his U.S. paymasters and hurried back to Tel Aviv to manage the bad PR.

And though the horrendous incident itself – in which Israeli commandos dropped from a helicopter onto a ship carrying humanitarian aid and started ruthlessly mowing down social justice activists with machine guns – was indeed shocking in its savage cruelty, Netanyahu’s resulting ‘fuck you’ to the international community was not.

After all, this ultra-right Likud party apparatchik has long displayed a cynical disregard for international opinion. His views on the matter were made clear in 1989, when he opined that then-Israeli president Yitzak Shamir should have “exploited the repression of the demonstrations in China [Tiananmen Square], when world attention focused on that country, to carry out mass expulsions among the Arabs of the territories.”

For your maniacal and sadistic treatment of the long-suffering people of Palestine and their tireless international supporters, and for your unimaginable lack of any shame whatsoever, congratulations Bibi – YOU ARE THE DOUCHEBAG OF THE MONTH!

If there’s even a shred of justice left in this tired old world, you’ll hang in a Turkish gallows for what you’ve done.

Iconoclast’s douchebag of the month is the shadowy government agent charged with reading this issue – no doubt in search of intelligence surrounding the upcoming anti-G20 protests in Toronto. Hope you liked it, you fucking pig!

You make us sick. In the name of “protecting the public,” you have willingly chosen to make a career of unquestioning servility to psychopaths like Stephen Harper, sycophantic politicians like Dalton McGuinty and their shared corporate masters in the oil, banking and mining sectors.

You love to get all high and mighty and refer to those of us who militantly denounce the system you serve as “thugs” or “terrorists,” but the reality is that it is YOU who are well-acquainted with the tactics of terror, violence and intimidation – not us. We have never sent another human being to rot in a prison cell, you fuck, so don’t you dare speak of our supposed moral depravity!

We are idealists, who in the face of a neon-sign gilded totalitarianism have mustered the audacity to devote our lives to waking others up from their consumerist-induced “ignorance is bliss” waking comas. If we appear angry, or “violent”, that is in part because of the profound rage we feel towards the injustices of the world, and partly owing to the lies your masters’ media empires constantly repeat in order to demonize us in the eyes of our mentally enslaved brothers and sisters. It is our sincere desire to save this world before it is ruined beyond repair by the self-destructive greed of capitalism. And you want to stop us, and throw us in jail? How dare you!?

For abdicating your role as a human being under the convenient excuse of “just doing your job”, congratulations, pig – YOU ARE THE DOUCHEBAG OF THE MONTH!!

You really want to make the world a safer place? Quit.

Iconoclast’s douchebag of the month is Fox News pundit, best-selling plagiarist and fascist comedienne, Ann Coulter.

Long claiming a spot our short-list of monthly candidates, Coulter cemented her long-awaited accolade during her March 22nd appearance at the University of Western Ontario - where, posing as a persecuted minority, she used her $10,000 soapbox to advise a 17 year old Muslim student go “ride a camel”, propose an annual one-month moratorium on discussing “anything gay” and suggest that the United States build a giant moat filled with crocodiles to keep out Mexicans.

This type of flagrant xenophobia, masquerading as flippant wit, has long been Coulter’s trademark - as well as her primary source of revenue. Coulter is a shock pundit, who exists solely to generate controversy, reaffirm conservatives’ internalized (yet often unarticulated) prejudices and push the limits of acceptable discourse even further to the right. This is all cleverly hidden by a comedy routine so unfunny that it makes Kathy Griffin look like Gilda Radner. I mean seriously… Monica Lewinsky jokes? Still?

Fuck you, Coulter. How can you possibly whine on about your “free speech” being under attack with a straight face? You’re a cable news correspondent, for fuck’s sake! You have your own nationally-syndicated newspaper column! Hearing you complain about your so-called “persecution” is like listening to an Israeli settler complain about getting called nasty names by his Palestinian neighbours.

For consciously poisoning the well of public discourse, and clearly having so much fun doing it… congratulations, Ann Coulter - YOU ARE THE DOUCHEBAG OF THE MONTH!!

And by the way… watch who you call a liberal, bitch. Them’s fighting words.

Iconoclast’s douchebag of the month is the leather clad poster boy of conscientious capitalism and self-proclaimed saviour of Africa – Bono.

Through his tireless promotion of feel-good consumer choices and celebration of bogus green-washing endeavors, Sir Bono single-handedly personifies everything that is wrong with liberals: He makes platitudes to so-called “progressive” causes, while pimping capitalism as the solution to its own problems. From his line of “red” con¬sumer products parroted as a convenient solution to the sub-Saharan AIDS epidemic to his Live-8 concerts aimed at “ending poverty in Africa,” Bono teaches us that all the ills of the world can be solved if we only open our hearts (and wallets).

Well we call bullshit.

According to Dr Loretta Napoleoni, an author who has done extensive research into the effects of economic globalization on Africa, the money raised by Bono’s Live-8 concert “has ended up making Africa poorer and more violent, because the money has been diverted towards warlords, weapons and armed invasions.”

Ooops….looks like you really shit the bed there, Bono.

The problems of the world cannot be solved by simply throwing money at them, you tool. “Partial proceeds” from cell phone sales won’t help the AIDS epidemic in Africa, either. Getting rid of pharmaceutical patents and demanding the Vatican stop harp¬ing on about the evils of condoms, on the other hand, might.

For helping millions of well-meaning middle-class white liberals feel like they’re im¬proving the world, when really they’re just perpetuating the problem, congratulations Bono – YOU ARE THE DOUCHEBAG OF THE MONTH!!

You suck bud. And Bono is a stupid name.

Iconoclast’s douchebag of the month is Phil Fontaine, former National Chief of the Assembly of First Nations (AFN) and eager collaborator in the ongoing efforts to whitewash Canada’s history of colonial genocide.

Fontaine, along with the leaders of the Four Host First Nations (FHFN) - a corporation that claims to represent the inhabitants of unceded First Nations’ territories Squamish, Musqueam, Tseil-Watuth, and Lil’wat – are sellouts who have willingly conspired with VANOC and the IOC to appropriate native cultural symbols in an attempt to frame Canada’s relationship with its indigenous peoples as harmonic and peaceful. They were called out for this behaviour in a 2008 press conference in which Fontaine was announcing “First Nations participation and volunteer opportunities with the 2010 Olympics.” Two young native women strode to the podium and interrupted his speech by pouring out a bag of apples right in front of him – an action meant to symbolize that Fontaine and his ilk are “red on the outside, but white on the inside.”

Fontaine cemented his status as a traitor to his indigenous brothers and sisters when he resigned his post as National Chief of AFN to accept a job as “special advisor” to the Royal Bank of Canada (RBC). RBC is not only one of the largest sponsors of the 2010 Olympics, but it also the primary financier of the Tar Sands – an ultra-destructive mega-project that is displacing indigenous communities in northern Alberta, contributing to massive clear-cutting of the ancient Boreal forest and poisoning the Athabasca and McKenzie Rivers, which flow into one of Canada’s most important water-sheds.

For getting rich off the suffering of your own people, congratulations Phil Fontaine – YOU ARE THE DOUCHEBAG OF THE MONTH!!!

Nice Suit, Prick.

Iconoclast’s douchebag of the month is the snarling fascist orator Glenn Beck, of the noxious Fox News network.

Beck’s dangerous commentary represents a serious threat to any progression towards a more just or free world. He is a willing tool of the most reactionary and authoritarian elements of the American corporate elite. His inflammatory diatribes against anyone and everyone to the political left of Augusto Pinochet are directed at the most primordial and irrational fears of his viewers – whose numbers are legion.

Back in the day, this sick fuck would have been constrained to the relative safety of a soapbox. But thanks (?) to vast advances in the technology of communication, and the partisan machinations of media tyrant Rupert Murdoch, the insane rants of this psychopath are now beamed directly into the homes of millions of heavily armed - yet mentally defenseless - Americans.

Beck is the self-appointed enemy of the left, and must not be taken lightly. His role as the primary spokesperson of the “tea-baggers” movement – those ball-sucking puppets of corporate interest groups like FreedomWorks and the Coors Foundation – clearly demonstrates a cynical contempt for democracy and a preference towards right-wing lynch-mob populism. His constant fear-mongering on the existential threat posed by the radical left was perhaps most clearly epitomized during a recent “review” of The Coming Insurrection on his syndicated talk show, which ended with a dire “wake up call” to American conservatives – extolling his viewers to “know who the enemies are, and be ready for them.”

For these reasons and many, many more, congratulations Glenn Beck – YOU ARE THE DOUCHEBAG OF THE MONTH!

We can only hope that your poisonous rhetoric spawns cancer of the mouth, causing your tongue to turn black and fall out of your skull.

Iconoclast’s douchebag of the month is consumerist mascot and corporate bag-man extraordinaire, Santa Claus.

Many of you who are reading this may wonder why we would choose this beloved icon of the holiday season to award such a dubious accolade. For generations, jolly Old Saint Nick has been revered as a warm, fuzzy
character associated with gift giving and holiday generosity; we must admit, we were once drawn into this hypnotic fantasy ourselves. But that was before we took a closer look at this bearded junk-monger, and
realized just how evil the old bastard really was.

Not content with his seasonal work as an insatiable whore for corporate propaganda, Santa evidently operates an intricate surveillance network from his remote arctic base, which he uses to spy on children year round in an Orwellian effort to discern whether they have been “naughty or “nice” – as if he were one to judge! He even knows when and where you sleep, for goodness’ sake – and don’t think he’s not sharing this information with the NSA.

In addition to rewarding obedient children with toys made from the slave labour of his “elves” (whose factories he has long since off-shored to China), Santa is also a pawn of Big Coal, thus making him an enemy of environmental activists worldwide.

For so thoroughly disillusioning us and forever making us doubt the words of our parents – congratulations Santa Claus…. YOU ARE THE DOUCHEBAG OF THE MONTH!!!

If we feel the need to celebrate this holiday season by ritualizing and celebrating a fictional character - we’ll stick with Jesus, thanks.

Iconoclast’s Douchebag of the Month is disgraced bullshit-peddler and former head of the National Association of Evangelicals (NAE), Ted Haggard.

Once considered one of the most influential spokesmen of the Christian Right, “Pastor Ted’s” fall from grace was a devastating blow to the American evangelical community – and fucking hilarious for the rest of us. In 2006, after years of preaching the immorality of homosexuality and actively leading the charge against same-sex marriage, it surfaced that Haggard was in fact a closet homosexual and meth head. After being unceremoniously outed by male prostitute Mike Jones, Haggard resigned from his leadership position at the NAE and his job as the pastor of New Life Church – a sprawling Megachurch in Colorado Springs which can hold up to 14,000 Christian fanatics at a time – and went into therapy to pray the gay away.

While he was being cured of his so-called “sexual deviancy,” he had the gall to ask his supporters for cash donations to help him out financially during these “trying times”… despite the fact that he was – and continues to be – completely loaded. A year into his new life selling life insurance in Arizona, Haggard claimed that God appeared to him and told him to return to Colorado Springs to reclaim his place at the head of the church he founded. Following the release of an HBO documentary entitled “the Trials of Ted Haggard,” everything looked like it was turning around for ol’ Ted. Unfortunately for him (and God – who apparently was quite invested in his comeback), as he was making the talk-show circuit, another scandal broke when a young member of his congregation came forward claiming that Haggard had exposed himself and masturbated in front of him when the two were sharing a hotel room as part of a church-organized road trip. When asked by Larry King if there was any chance of anybody else coming forward with any new sordid accusations, Haggard humbly claimed the right to privacy.

For your tireless efforts to set new limits to personal hypocrisy - Congratulations Ted Haggard…. YOU ARE THE DOUCHEBAG OF THE MONTH!

By the way… you’re gay dude. Get over it.